It’s been a while and last time I touched base it was the end of Winter, Spring and so much was ahead.
Anyone who follows me on social media will know I mentioned I’d a labrum tear under investigation…well this week I saw my Consultant and while I do have a labrum tear in my right hip, thankfully it’s not too bad and repairing it wouldn’t be beneficial.
However, the investigation also found a more serious problem with my femur…on both sides!!!! Something I wasn’t aware of before, was only found due to having an x-ray of my pelvis Tuesday, and is something I was born with.
Normally your femur is at a slight angle to your pelvis, but mine are about 42% out of kilter…total symmetry in both and they’ve no idea how I walk straight and my legs aren’t bowed. It’s not hip dysplasia due to how the ball and socket sits, but presents similar, it’s more in line with femoral retroversion.
They think the displaced kneecap issues I had on both sides as a child were actually my kneecaps in the right place to where my femurs lie…but what the physios did back then has put them in the “normal” place and so that’s why I look, and walk, correctly. The flexibility in my hips however shows the misalignment.
The labrum tear could mean arthritis sets in sooner on my right side. Plus given the symmetry we don’t want the same issue on the other side, and I have as floppy a labrum on the left because of the ball and socket misalignment…so it needs tlc too. The way my femurs sit means more chance of arthritis, but also issues for my lower back, SI and pelvis….something that I’m already struggling with.
They could realign my legs…BUT…they’d have to do both and each would mean major surgery to break and reset the femur head, 4months no weight bearing at all, 2months on crutches, another 2months of physio to get walking again…and that’s just 1 leg, let alone starting again with the other. The end result would sort my legs and pelvis out, but mean I walked with my feet turned inwards, challenging walking and exercise – and most likely causing other problems to appear.
So the decision is wonky legs can stay wonky, BUT…between the two issues my running mileage has to drop in order to find the sweet spot in doing enough but not overdoing things. Saving my bones, cartilage and joints and keeping them as healthy as possible, as long as possible. Eventually I’ll get to being that arthritic I need a hip replacement…but then there’s still the femur issue.
So my goals are being re-thought hugely because this means, at this time I shouldn’t run a marathon or Ultramarathon…and may never be able to again. They aren’t sure if speed is a good idea either or how far is too far. It’s a case of see what works best and see how things go really. I know from my last lot of marathon training, and my latest set, that anything over 30miles a week causes more discomfort in my right hip. I also struggle more with my lower back and SI discomfort.
My focus will be to try and get strong enough, and find the mileage sweet spot, for no discomfort in my right hip and no issues in my left. My lower back and hip flexors will tell me what is too much. I can and will still run, but my way. I will still be doing my virtual London Marathon but as a run/walk/run endurance event…and I’m quite looking forward to that.
How do I feel…I feel everything and nothing. Life was just starting to feel a bit more stable, my mental health a lot better and physically I was stronger…just hitting a plateau, but I worried it was cancer and thankfully it’s just wonky legs. There were marathons I wanted to run and I’d my sight set on doing 100K in a day next September…honestly, I haven’t been able to cancel that yet – I will, I have to…my body can’t take even walking it and I have to honour that – pushing through isn’t an option!
I have to stop beating myself, pushing myself, punishing myself, seeing can’t as failure. I’ve started to eat better, think better, live better…I just need to maintain myself better.
My body has basically been waiting my whole life for me to do so.