Sunday – After a lovely long lie in we had a full day of just us. Thanks to my website crashing during prepping my blog we ended up with a very late breakfast (thank goodness for bake at home croissants!) and even later lunch.
Hunger and tiredness mixed and I felt emotional and awkward all day, unsettled is possibly the best description. I did a yoga session mid-afternoon for 40mins, which was a huge help and left me feeling more energised.

Monday – A beautiful start to the morning and a dry recovery run.

I got home feeling great and on checking my data realised I’d never set off my heart rate monitor while running. Amazingly I’d run at zone 2 nearly all the way, with a slight jump to zone 3 but for only 13minutes. I’d never run that calmly before.
I had a good morning at work and did some yoga once back to stretch out my legs more. Mid-afternoon saw me at Activ in Hope for a deep tissue massage…brutal bliss! There is some slight tightness in both my adductors and a little ITB niggle in left leg. My therapist eased everything off, explained nothing else was wrong and given how soon it was after my Ultra I was in great shape…just to keep on doing all I usually do with regards exercises each day and foam rolling. I left feeling really positive for Loch Ness, but did make sure to make an appointment to go back a fortnight before it takes places so that she can check everything over again. I’ll see her as I start to taper, therefore giving me long enough to sort out any niggles if they arise.
After leaving I popped straight to my GP for my hormone injection. Only to find out he had forgotten to put it on my repeat prescription! We made a silent agreement that he would order it in for me and I’d sneak in between 8 and 8.30am on Wednesday to have it administered as he started work.
I had a lazy evening of Ultra planning before tea. Given my goals for next year I want to ensure I’ve as much knowledge as I can of what my training will entail, think about the logistics and start to put a plan in place.

Tuesday – Following a good nights sleep I was eager to try a new strength training session. I did my leg conditioning set and then a, new to me, Core Conditioning program on YouTube with Sydney Cummings…she nearly killed me! It was alot more cardio than I’d expected but was really good fun and I felt tired but good afterwards….very much a HIIT workout. It was quite an intense hour so I had some Rego shake to aid my muscle recovery, had a shower and then did 15mins of yoga to calm and ground me.
I got to work feeling really good but by 11am I was mentally exhausted and pleased to be leaving at noon. Due to an appointment with the benefits office on Thursday I had paperwork to fill in aswell as some housework to do. I got lost in the DWP form though and it was suddenly gone 1pm and I was starving aswell as mentally exhausted. When I’ve no idea what to eat, or I need comfort food, I’m not sorry to say I have porridge. A bowlful with apple and peanut butter was just what I needed.
I decided chores could wait a while and took to the sofa to read and snooze through the afternoon before spin class.
I still felt mentally drained but the physical body was on form, I went into autopilot and had a great session. I made sure towards the end to do sprints a little slower or with less resistance, purely because of my upcoming hill training on Wednesday morning – which I knew I needed fresh, stretched legs for…not tired sore ones!

Wednesday – A hard day as 7th August would have been my sisters 34th birthday.

It also marked a year since my lumpectomy.

I awoke unsure on how I felt…sad, happy, relieved, lost. I took my grief out on the hills with my first hill training session post Ultra, it was hard work but I kept a good near constant pace throughout and did six full hill repetitions over 7K with 1.5K warm up and cool down either side. I’d worried that my right adductor may niggle but I had no pain or discomfort at all.
After a quick trip to the doctors for my hormone injection I celebrated the day at Ringwood Hall Hotel & Spa with my friend.

We changed and used the Spa facilities a little before mid-morning coffee outside. She had been an absolute diamond, adding a magical touch to the day by sneaking in cake and candles to have lit and brought out with our drinks.

We sang Happy Birthday to my sister, chatted and ate in the sun before heading back inside for more time relaxing in the spa.

Lunch was divine and thanks to a beautiful day we sat out again, drenched in sunshine before enjoying our afternoon treatments, and another tea and cake session before leaving.
I felt happy and refreshed, relaxed and loved. Once home I grabbed my mat and did a little yoga to ease me into the evening and ready my body for the following day.

Thursday – I’d gone to bed early on Wednesday as I felt so tired. I slept badly though between night sweats and nausea…my hormone injection having a delayed reaction on my body and my whole system trying to fight it.
I got up and quickly decided a flatter, trail/path mix run would be best and gentler on my body – a trail run on a Thursday is my aim but I’m going to be flexible with it, run to feel and listen to what my body needs.
Every joint ached and I was physically exhausted, my run helped and it was such a beautiful morning.

I took my time and took in my surroundings, stroked the two cats I found in the field, talked to the horses as I passed between them and stood and watched the cows have breakfast. I think I yawned all the way through my 6.5K!

My heart rate was again very low and steady, my pace slow…nausea meant there was no ability for speed.

I’m not sure how I got to work…I took advantage of knowing I’d be first to leave and deserted the car in the car park after a few failed attempts at parking! I struggled all morning, stupidly agreeing to come in early the next day and stay longer next week.
I admitted defeat to my fiancé later and we had a very frank chat about pushing myself too hard too soon, feeling obliged when I shouldn’t and putting pressure on a body that can’t handle it. It feels very difficult to say that work is leaving me that mentally exhausted, that I’m struggling, they’re being supportive but our department is really busy. I contacted my supervisor and explained that yes I’d still arrive early Friday but I needed to discuss the following week.
My MRI results are still very much in the front of my mind and causing concern…they will until I’ve had the letter to say I’m ok. I also need to remember that mentally I’m not 100% – if I was we wouldn’t be awaiting a psychotherapy referral! I’ve been away from real world movement for a long time, still struggle with cancer fatigue and need both myself, and those around me to understand that there are limits…that if pushed too much before ready it will impact me more and more, then start to hit me physically too and make me poorly…I can not let that happen.
Cancer has re-aligned my life and values and has made me life driven…I want to live – word and, most importantly, deed. I want to work hard and succeed but I’m not bothered by career ambition anymore and no longer feel sorry, ashamed or embarrassed to admit that.

Friday – Wanted to ensure I stuck to what I’d agreed with work I got up at my usual time, did 10minutes of Yoga To Wake Up and my half an hour upper body strength training session. Part way into the latter I realised how much better I felt and how much beast mode had taken over…I still felt a little nauseous but the tiredness had gone, my reps were higher than the week before and my body felt good.
The date marked my anniversary as a member of my running club – I’m so proud of everything I’ve achieved personally and the support, advice and inspiration they’ve given. At work we had coffee cake mid morning so I raised a fork to my fellow Lonely Goat Running Club members.
The morning flew but again by 11am I started to struggle to concentrate, I felt bad…worse than bad, at having to hand things over as I left. Due to getting stuck behind a slow, police escorted large vehicle, it was nearly 1pm before I got back and I was drained. I had a bit of lunch but didn’t really know what I wanted, I rested a little around our shopping delivery and then cleaned the house a little ready for my parents visiting on
Saturday.

Saturday – I felt a huge surge of energy and positivity on getting up for my run. I’d had some wonderful messages from people in my running club with regards my anniversary the day before, which lifted my spirits even more…and brought a tear as I ate my porridge and banana.
My run was to be 14miles which I’d decided on doing as four laps of a local loop, plus one final out and back to complete the distance. It took me until lap three to really start to feel good, to get into my stride. My legs felt heavy and as much as I thought I’d slowed my pace my split times show differently. I was pleased with the pace average I achieved and the fact I’d managed to complete my run – sometimes that’s all we need to do, no bells or whistles just committing and achieving the goal.

After my Rego shake and a quick cold bath, I changed and tidied the house just in time for my folks arriving for our day together. The weather was against us a little but I’d booked a table at Hassop Station Cafe on purpose so that we could browse the shop, and have a really lovely lunch. Mum and I walked Stanley on the Monsal Trail in the rain and put the world to rights as he ran around us.

Then headed home with baked goods for an easy afternoon tea before they left.

Sunday – My rest day and I feel a little groggy, I’ve slept well though and had a few hours extra. My upper legs don’t aches but there is a little stiffness and so my plan for the day is lots of rest, yoga and wholesome food.

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